Blending in

Its an early morning. I had some proper sleep last night. The cold that I’m recovering from is still hanging on, in spite of me taking the antibiotics. I guess it’ll be a while before it lets go. But something’s different about this morning. I’m feeling nostalgic for some strange reason. Perhaps the feeling arose by watching my sister get ready for school. Watching her looking for her uniform and her books, locating her socks, polishing her shoes and convincing my mother to give her something a wee bit interesting in her lunch box reminded me of the countless times I’ve done the same. But all the memories that I have of school involve a certain amount of pain. Of course, the pain has eventually faded overtime, but I could never really recover from this dark and lonely phase of my life. Now when I look back, i can’t really understand why things were the way they were. Perhaps it was because I was different? Different in what way?

I clearly remember being called names and having few Friends. I was the type of kid who used to read books on the school picnic. Who lacked social abilities. And who never really cared about socializing anyway. Trying to find the purpose of his  existence while the other kids were still learning to spell ‘existence’.

But now, when I’ve become older, I’ve changed quite a bit. The reading has reduced, I’ve become adept to the skill of socializing. Now, I’ve got too many friends to keep count of, but I still feel the loneliness. I’m still trying to escape the darkness. In spite of all the problems I faced in school, I was a happy kid. But now when I seem to have resolved those problems, I’ve become increasingly unhappy. I guess I would need to go back to the way I was in school to become happy again. But I fear I won’t be able to, having gone too far the other way. But one thing is clear, when I see my sister eagerly getting ready for school, I know she won’t go through the same problems that I went through. Simply  because I’ll be there to coach her. To tell her, its perfectly OK to be abnormal and being different is her biggest asset yet.

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About kaustubhaj

Artist, poet, painter, science geek, writer, amateur photographer, computer geek, tech fanatic, love guru, footballer etc etc. i.e. One Intellectual badass! 3:)

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